Acousta4kit

by The Great Joe Bivins

Acousta4kit cover art
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  • Digital Album

    The fourth album in the Acoustafuckit series of minimalist acoustic albums - just my guitar (and an occasional guest instrument) and my voice and twelve of my shit-awful songs. (Includes front and back cover art and Tyrannosaurus Ray Charles.)

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released 13 February 2011

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Eight feet tall if he were an inch! Arms like two great tree trunks with hair like a fiery-brown mane of a lion that'd been ... more kinda sick! Scraggly multicolored beard that granted wishes! Wishes with IRONIC CONSEQUENCES! With a voice like a great grizzly bear if bears were really good singers! Oh I seen him, doncha tell me I didn't see him with Paul Revere ringin' them bells! less

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Track Name: Indivisible
At the center of your skull there's a piece of bone
which is surrounded by a piece of brain
which is surrounded by another piece of brain
then another piece of brain
then your skull
then your skin
then your hair
then the air
then you wrap it all up in the vacuum of space
put some sunlight out there to shine down on your face
it's the source of all life on this big blue ball
nature doesn't need any help at all

There's no Heaven in the sky
It is only in your mind
The Hell that burns out all your sin
Is a place that exists only within
Your soul is a memory of time
Your body is an image in a field of stars
An ethereal delusion
Of a form in isolation

Time is a map of the moments of your life
Laid out against the lives of the rest side by side
From the moment you're born to the moment you die
You exist as a part of the whole if you feel you're alone
You are indivisible from the fabric of infinity
You are the body of reality and your mind is the soul

Fire is the ghost of the first spark of life
Chaos is the mother of creation
Birth and death and slow mutation
Unguided progressive transformation
No designer, no design, no reason or rhyme
No intention, no choice
No beginning of time
No end to space
We come from nothing and soon we'll go back to nothing again

Time is a map of the moments of your life
Laid out against the lives of the rest side by side
From the moment you're born to the moment you die
You exist as a part of the whole if you feel you're alone
You are indivisible from the fabric of infinity
You are the body of reality and your mind is the soul
A light emerging from the darkness residing somewhere in your skull

There's a beating heart at the center of the Earth
In the center of the heart there's an iron core
At the center of the core there's another planet Earth
At the center of the Earth there's another beating heart
A single human life's just a flash in the pan
But the ink of the mind leaves a mark on the hand of God
An indelible stain that carries the
Hearts of all the little things to Heaven
Track Name: Captain Pathetic Rides Again
well self-pity doesn't pay all that well so our man got a job in a factory
packing cans of fried trans fats in corn syrup one after one til the line breaks down

"his lunch break's been over a quarter of an hour but he's still not back at his station
if he keeps this up he'll be out on his ass
I just hope he doesn't come back and shoot up the place"

"that factory was just holding me back" he explains to himself because no one else ever listens
"this just frees me up to rededicate myself to being miserable and fucked-up and sad"

he's seriously contemplating buying thirty cats and giving each one an elaborate name
Sir Whiskers Meowington Tunafish Fluffball Muldoon Esquire the Fourth

he writes shitty poetry all along the walls of his room because paper's so damned expensive
his grasp of the language is tenuous at best but the words he likes most are sorrow and death

"pain is such a beautiful thing
sorrow is also pretty nice
I guess death is okay
if I weren't so damn ugly
I bet writing all this poetry
would totally be getting me laid"

everywhere he goes he swears that people are staring "I didn't realize it was something you could see"
"I figured I could pass for normal but I guess I'm starting to look the part of someone too fucked-up to breathe"

he says "hey! I don't have to take all your shit, I'm a captain in the goddamn bitch force
that's a branch of the military that I just made up
now salute me goddamnit and put some change in my cup"

and the captain says he's sick of all your shit
says he'd rather just get out and walk
halfway down the freeway he collapses on a barricade and sleeps it all off

I've got 300 channels and counting, I'm surfing 'em, so far nothing looks good to me
sometimes life's just not worth living at least not when there's nothing to watch on TV
Track Name: Haven't Felt Alright
I don't believe in suicide
because I don't believe in life after death
but I might just like to give it a try
just so I could come back and tell you I was right

sometimes I think I might be clever
but most of the time I feel like there's rocks in my head
still I maintain a facade of urbane sophistication
whenever possible spewing out line after line of half-coherent jive

And I haven't felt alright in a very long time
So long ago I'm not sure it really happened
I read about it once in a history book
It said I'm not long for this world
I should probably just give up on all my dreams

I don't know much anatomy
But I'm pretty sure all my feelings live in my brain
So tell me why, when I feel my heart is breaking,
there's a sinking in my chest that doesn't fade?

And I haven't felt alright in a very long time
So long ago I'm not sure I can remember what it's like
I reside behind fifty layers of armor in my skull
I'm not long for this world

You don't get to tell me how to feel
You don't get to tell me if my feelings are real
You worry about your problems
I'll worry about my own
But it's the worrying that's killing me in the end

And I haven't felt alright in a very long time
I can understand those seeking an end
But I'm paralyzed into inaction by that one last shred of hope
Or maybe it's just my ego that's keeping me around
Track Name: The Natural Way
One foot in the river and the other in the grave
One choice is the fryer the other is the flame
So pump me full of chemicals before I go insane
Yeah it's the natural way

Laugh now like a jackal though your world is on fire
Laugh your damned head off though you're sinking in the mire
Laugh cause your only other choice is to fall into a heap
Laugh though you're still losing sleep

But it's the natural way to feel insane
It's a test that you're failing every day
You mistook the world for a morality play
Now you're staring down the tunnel and you don't feel okay
But it's the natural way to feel insane

I secretly believe and you secretly don't
At least one of us is wrong and the other is a cunt
Give me your opinions and I'll give you all the facts
But I don't think you're up to the task

How does it feel to know no one's keeping score?
Does it feel you're ever inching your way up to Death's door?
Doesn't that distant gnawing notion suit you just fine?
Don't you love the tingles up your spine?

Everything is beautiful and everything dies
Everything is wonderful and everybody cries
Everything is sacred and everything rots
Nothing lasts forever whether you like it or not

Life is a system that succumbs to decay
Like everything else it must break down someday
Maybe entropy, too, is a system that can break
I sure hope so for heaven's sake
Track Name: Vegetable
Sometimes I think this intelligence is a burden on me
You know it makes me think I'd be happier as a tree
I know, trees can't be happy
but you know what I mean
all the worrying and obsessing over every little thing
is wearing me out
I think I'd rather be a vegetable than an animal
Hell, even a mineral, though they're not alive
But who's to say a rock's not happy?
Couldn't be sadder than this sad sack of meat

If I didn't think so much I'd be happy
If I were a vegetable I wouldn't think at all
If I didn't think at all I'd be happy as shit

Ignorance is bliss so I hear
all those idiots sure seem contented
at least when they're pumped full of beer
at the NASCAR races or
plopped down in front of a football game on TV
they've got people to tell them what to think
they're too stupid to question it so they
don't feel worthless in the face of infinity
but I can't stand this consciousness anymore
I'd rather be oblivious again but the only way back I know
involves a power drill inserted into my prefrontal cortex

If I didn't think so much I'd be happy
If I were a vegetable I wouldn't think at all
If I didn't think at all I'd be happy as shit

and I wouldn't miss it
cause I wouldn't be capable of nostalgia anymore
think I'll throw myself in front of a truck
and hope for a coma
I could use the vacation
and if they pulled my plug
I wouldn't be worried
cause vegetables don't worry about anything
and it's the worrying that's making me so God damned miserable

what am I using my brain for anyway?
Well everything I guess, but that's not the point
everything would be so much better
if I were a vegetable or just better
at ignoring the stark bleak horror that is my existence
but I'm not so I might as well stick my head in the microwave
and hope for a tumor to break up the monotony
if I'm going to go it oughta be horrible
and gruesome the kind of thing they'd sell tickets to
we could have my funeral first so I could be there
while you all try to talk me out of it

If I didn't think so much I'd be happy
If I were a vegetable I wouldn't think at all
If I didn't think at all I'd be happy as shit
and I wouldn't miss it
Track Name: Heap
Sometimes I think I might collapse in a heap
Sometimes I think I might die in my sleep
Sometimes I think I've lost count of my sheep
Sometimes I think I've lost count

Sometimes I think that the price is too steep
Sometimes I think it might be too far to leap
Sometimes I slink in the corner like a creep
Sometimes it seems like the water's too deep

Sometimes I wish I had secrets to keep
Sometimes I've got too many secrets to keep
Sometimes I clam up and don't make a peep
Sometimes I ramble right up to the beep

Sometimes I can't go to sleep
Sometimes I can't stay asleep
Sometimes I go without sleep
Sometimes I collapse in a heap
Track Name: Join Together in Love
Well the sky may be falling in
And we all may be called back to Heaven
But tragedy is the only guarantee in life
and it binds us all together
And unlike some people I can't
take the pain of the world
and make it all about me but there's
a tiny part of me that dies
every time I turn on my cable TV

Everything is either dying or dead
"YOU'RE NEXT" screams the nasty little voice in your head
But it was always this way
there were no good old days
Life has always been a screaming mass of decay
You can squeeze all the joy out of it
try to seize the day
Try for fame and fortune or live like a monk
and crucify yourself for everyone you meet
but you'll end up in the same place

If you recognize that you've never been that happy maybe now won't seem so bad
Everything that you've ever believed in was just a giant load of crap
But we don't have to be cruel to each other this life is cruel enough
Would it be so insane to let all of it go and everyone join together in love?
In love, in love, in love, in love

The cockroaches shall inherit the Earth
once the psychopaths nuke it to Hell
Whatever happened to the meek?
Won't somebody speak up?
Can we please stop voting for these assholes?

But misery is the only guarantee on Earth as it is in Heaven
I don't believe in God so I think we have to take care of one another cause no one else will
We don't have to be cruel to each other this life is cruel enough
We're all in this together so let it all go and let's all join together in love
In love, in love, in love, in love
In love, in love, in love, in love
Track Name: Smile Till You Bleed
smile till you bleed
you're on the cover of your own magazine
you can't let 'em know you're weak they'll eat you alive they're all piranhas so
smile till you bleed

smile till you're sick
keep a bucket by the bed yeah that's the trick
you may be falling apart inside but just keep flashin' them pearly whites
yeah lay it on double thick

smile till you cry
don't you let 'em see those long black spiders drawing down from your eyes
feelings are for losers you're a winner everything will be alright
just as long as you keep it bottled up inside

smile when you're dead
smile when you're bleeding from the head
smile when you're born and don't stop until your skin rots down to nothing
and your jaw falls off your head

smile till you bleed
a big fat grin is the only thing you'll ever need
no reason to turn that upside-down just staple back those cheeks
and keep on smiling till you bleed
Track Name: Your Wasted Life
one more minute till you've had your fill
ten more years till you say "when"
all your reflexes are honed to razor's edge but still
you won't say "go" till it's too late to begin

all the days
turn into weeks
turn into years
too fast to count
too slow to stand
too far to ever get back
it takes too long to get there
and now you've used up all your time
and you're stuck behind the
severe tire damage sign

you had it all planned out and everything was going swell
but now it's twenty years too late for you to go back to the well
you were never that good at anything and you never really cared
now you look yourself in the mirror and there's nobody there

you could always go back to school
and get another degree
but no matter how much you learn
you're still as dumb as a tree
you've got no original ideas
and you've got too much ADD
to even follow the leader anyway
so just go watch some TV

but there's nothing wrong with your wasted life
makes no difference we're all just killing time

don't let 'em tell you
you could have been somebody
you were destined for mediocrity
you were meant to be a chump
in a past life you were a slug
this is barely a step up
I know corpses with more to live for
but just look at it this way
you may be dumb but
at least you're miserable

"I'm not going to wait in this line for one more goddamn second!
what the hell ever happened to customer service? I'll take my business elsewhere!
don't you give me that look, you little shit!
get me the manager! who's in charge of this dump?
I'm important can't you see? I'm not like all these other chumps"

but there's nothing wrong with your wasted life
makes no difference we're all just killing time
you'll be dead soon anyway, so go ahead and have another donut
you might as well try and enjoy the ride this time
Track Name: Everyone is Special Except You
If I could draw a picture of your personality
It would be a faceless mannequin with no redeeming qualities
Your mind is just like a lump of dried-up Play-Doh
Formless and useless and left out in the sun
When you were little and they asked you what you wanted to be
And everybody else said astronauts and ballerinas
You said you wanted to work in a cubicle farm
and be a worthless underling with no 401K

You're too smart to be a moron but too dumb to be a scholar
Your opinion's like an asshole in that you're full of shit
You're completely unexceptional and you know it must be true
That everyone is special except you

Your username is your real name with some numbers at the end
Your password is "password" and you have no Facebook friends
Your Blog is all recaps of Dancing With The Stars
And your Twitter feed is all retweets of Kim Kardashian
If your soul was a food it would be an uncooked hot dog
You're so bland that everyone thinks that you grew up in a pod
If you were a candy bar you'd be plain and not peanut
Your parents said they loved you but they didn't really mean it

All you do is sleep and eat and shit and watch TV
You've never had an interest or a talent or a hobby
You're too smart to be a moron but too dumb to be a scholar
Your opinion's like an asshole in that you're full of shit
You're completely unexceptional and you know it must be true
That everyone is special except you

But you know that's kind of special in and of itself
If you're the only person alive with no reason to be
You're so totally boring that dullness could be
your singular defining quality

If I could make a statue of the person you are inside
It would be a featureless sphere, perfectly smooth and painted white
If I wanted to represent your total value to the world
I would pile up a bunch of useless junk and set it on fire

You're no good at anything; you're barely even alive
If we tore out your brain I bet your body would survive
All you do is sleep and eat and shit and watch TV
You've never had an interest or a talent or a hobby
You're too smart to be a moron but too dumb to be a scholar
Your opinion's like an asshole in that you're full of shit
You're completely unexceptional and you know it must be true
That everyone is special except you
Track Name: the Death of Captain Pathetic
Captain Pathetic died today
and at first you know we thought we might throw a parade
But then we had second thoughts
Maybe we'd miss him after all
All that whining he did really broke up the day

We tossed him in a landfill as per his last request
We wanted to do a viewing but the best
the mortician could do still made him look like
the corpse of a fat stinking slob nobody loved
so we packed his blubbery ass

into a trash bag and dug a shallow hole
in a pile of soiled diapers and dumped him in naked
and a committee of vultures all gathered around and
waited till the end of the eulogy then went to town

and the wake was just lovely we all told
our favorite stories about all his complaining
and we all reminisced about his awful personality
and how it complimented his chronic lack of grooming

According to his will which was scrawled on the bathroom wall
at the grocery store in his favorite stall
where he wrote all his best known poetry
like the one about pooping whilst trying to pee

He decreed all his assets be used to establish
The Pathetic Memorial Library housing his papers
His correspondence and copies of his poems
transcribed and set down in Helvetica type

But due to his chronic unemployment his net worth
was precisely jack squat so we took all his papers
and tossed 'em in a cardboard box in an alley
and watched as a hobo relieved himself on them

"No they won't remember me," he used to say,
"I'll be rotting in the ground and forgotten the very next day.
There'll be nobody shedding tears over my grave."

"No they won't remember me," but look at that!
He's gone down in history as a perfect example of
somebody everyone can agree was entirely pointless
and would've been better off if

his mother had gone through with that back-alley abortion
but you can't blame her even though she never loved him
his horribleness was genetically coded
a gift from the God he didn't believe in

And now he's been taken to heaven
and standing in judgment before him the very same deity
tells him about all of his flaws and the Captain stands
dumbfaced and blinking he wasn't really listening

Yes assholes go to heaven just not homosexuals
God's got a thing about that despite the fact
that his closet is crammed full of sequined jumpsuits
and assless chaps that he breaks out on Saturday night

Captain Pathetic hangs by the gates
all the old dead jerkoffs won't let him join in with their games
Not that he'd want to anyway
His work's too important to him
That awful poetry won't write itself

But the clouds won't soak up his sharpie
all the angels are staring and looking so Goddamn serene
"what the hell do they have to be so happy about?
all their shininess is really pissing me off"
Track Name: Two-Dimensional Blues
there's a little red spot out on the highway
I think it was a frog
had a fight with an 18-wheeler
and don't you know he lost
I do believe he was just hopping along
trying to get back to his log
now he's crushed into the asphalt
need a spatula to scrape him off

oh why'd they have to drive that road right through his home?
can't those big mean automobiles just leave him alone?
now his bones and organs are squished together
he's all flattened out and smooth
and he's got the two-dimensional blues

poor mr. turtle trying to keep up with the hare
he thought his shell would protect him I guess nature failed him there
walkin' on down the road he had a tiff with an SUV
now there's bits of him in Georgia
and bits in Tennessee

oh why'd they have to drive that road right through his home?
can't those big mean automobiles just leave him alone?
now his bones and organs are squished together
he's all flattened out and smooth
and he's got the two-dimensional blues

ain't seen a chicken out there
playing chicken yet
ain't never seen one smushed into a paste
from all those stupid punchlines I had the impression
they were crossing roads all over the place

little hat over here, little hat over there
those raccoons sure are crafty but they get splattered everywhere
seen some armadilloes rustling in the bushes at night
but I see them all the time in pieces on the roadside

oh why'd they have to drive that road right through their home?
can't those big mean automobiles just leave them alone?
now their bones and organs are squished together
they're all flattened out and smooth
and they've got the two-dimensional blues